The secret life a Tunisian girl

“You would be wrong to assume that I never questioned my choice, if a choice is what we call it, and there is also the occasional ‘what if?’ However I feel like there was no other way for me. “. Says Aisha (who chose not to disclose her real name) “I was young and naïve; I was brought up in a highly conservative entourage, and that was the case of everyone living in rural areas. Only few girls were lucky enough to go to schools, the rest had to work as housekeepers in far away cities to provide some income for their families. I was one of the lucky few. I was a brilliant child, they told me, I had an unusual hunger for knowledge, and I devoured books and asked for more. As a reward I would spend the summer holiday with my uncle who lives in the city. I was 6 years old when I first visited him. The house they lived in was the property of his wife. They lived there alone for they were not able to have children. I will not bore you with details. During the period I spent with them, my uncle kept on sexually abusing me. I was too young to understand what was going on, and he would not stop no matter how hard I begged. When I turned twelve, I started refusing to go to his place. My mother was suspicious of my behavior and kept on asking me questions. When I tried telling the true reasons of my refusal, she did not believe me and I was punished severely for ‘inventing lies’” our speaker breaks down in tears and tries to hide it but fails to do so, she gradually calms down and carries on telling her bitter story “for the next 3 years I had to work and study at the same time, because my father said that it was either this or no school at all. It was hard. I had to wake up at 4 o’clock in the morning and work with him and my other siblings in the little land we owned, then I would go to school all dirty and hungry. My classmates made fun of me and mocked me. Some teachers refused to have me in their classes because of the conditions of my clothes and my appearance. It was hard and I had to endure a lot for a girl in my age. I managed to pass my classes, and move on to high school. My father strongly refused that and threatened me verbally and physically, and then he decided that he would not pay for the books and the transportation fares. Daily I had to walk 6 kilometers when going to and coming from my high school. It was painful and tiring but I had no other choice. I would work harder to make my life better. I was willing to make that compromise. I passed high school and got my bachelor degree. It was the happiest day of my life. I was now free, I thought. I was going to the big city to pursue my dreams. I was going to college. Needless to say that my parents, yet again, strongly objected to my choice, they threatened me daily and took pleasure in torturing me, literally. Yet it meant nothing because my mind and heart were set. Anyhow, I got settled in Tunis and found a job. I soon met someone. He was very charming and had a way with words, he promised heaven but delivered hell. It was stupid of me to believe him. I should have known better. Anyways, I got pregnant and as soon as I told him, he fled. At first, he wouldn’t take my calls, then he changed his number and I never saw him again. I did not know what to do. I was pregnant at 19 and had no body to turn to for help or advice. Like any teenager, the idea of suicide crossed my mind. But I was too scared to go there. A friend of mine offered help. She said that she would help me find a way out of it, of course I agreed. I had no other choice. The pregnancy was in its early stages so it was possible to have an abortion. To be honest, I was relieved. However, I lost my job. This friend offered help, again, saying that I can work with her. Well, I do not know if it was working the right term for what she was doing. She said that we would go out with guys on dates, have fun, maybe drink a little bet and that was all. Again, the fool I was I believed her and made the biggest mistake of life. Each week we meet new men we have “private parties” with them , orgies if you ask me, one thing leads to another and the next thing you are sharing more than a few sips of wine. At first, it was hard for me to adjust, but as time passed by I realized that this was the only way, the only easy way. The money was good and I got to pay college fees, get books and clothes, and even rent a house. My family did not care, I sent them money, and they accepted it without questions asked. They did not care and never asked about the source of money. This was my new life. And still is. I am not proud of it. I cannot blame anyone but myself. My life, my decisions.”

selyana september 2012